What is a Doula?

A death doula, or end~of~life doula, is a non-medical professional who provides support for the dying individual and those they love. The word ‘doula’ comes from ancient Greece. It means ‘one who serves’, and has come to mean one who guides people through the profound transitions of birth and death. We humans have been helping each other enter and leave this life since the beginning of humanity. Somewhere along the line, both of these events became intricately linked with the practice of medicine, rather than the uniquely personal, inevitable human journey that each of us will take one day.

How I Practice

As a doula, my goal is to come to know your wishes, your dreams, and your fears about death. In many cases, the dying person doesn’t want to upset those they love, so they don’t freely speak about their wishes and fears. Likewise, those caring for the dying don’t want to trouble the dying person with their confusion and their worries. I’m here to be the one who welcomes it all — the scary, the unspeakably sad, the joyful, the messy, the funny, the painful, the mind-boggling, and the overwhelming — all of it.

Reviewing, honoring who you’ve been in this life and what you’re leaving behind as your legacy can be an important step on this path. What do you need to address so that you can leave this life in peace?

Sometimes when we’re all wrapped up in the tasks of caring for our dying person, we forget that honoring simple preferences can be extremely comforting to our loved one — and provide us with valuable direction. We don’t even think to ask. Where would you like to be when you die? Do you want fresh air and light? Dark and cozy? What are your favorite scents? Lavender? Peppermint? Coffee? Would you like visitors, music, prayers? Sacred silence? What might create a space of comfort and ease for you? For caregivers, knowing what our dying person wants can bring us comfort and ease, too.

There are practical matters, as well. I can assist you and your loved ones in creating after-death plans, like decisions about burial/cremation/natural burial; obituary writing; funeral home service/home funeral/celebration of life/memorial service. Let’s do this now; no one needs to be planning a funeral while grieving a loss.